nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
