I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
