your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
