This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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