i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
