Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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