I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
