I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
