sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
