I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
