nutella sex= disaster
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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