dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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