You smell like a Billy Joel song
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's always time for handjobs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
