it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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