He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
