Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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