the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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