At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize