i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
