And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
