Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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