Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
