I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize