he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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