i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
