He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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