can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
