i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
