wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
