it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
