nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
