Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
