Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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