omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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