If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
