when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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