it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So. Much. Porn.
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