the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize