i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
