So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
