I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
