we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize