I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Randomize
