I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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