i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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