Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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