I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
