hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
