Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
