just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
