i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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