Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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