Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
