This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
