Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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