That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize