Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
