Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
