She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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