i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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