My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wear drunk well.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
