She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize