Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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