I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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