I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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