i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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