I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
