So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
