i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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