sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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