nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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