I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize