Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
